Self Love Practice #2

Last week I wrote the first post of a series on Self Love Practices. If you haven’t read that post, you’ll want to start there. It’s called the Practice of Self Love Intro & Lesson #1.

Now that you’re all caught up, I am so excited to tell you about my favorite self love practice that really helped me turn things in my head around and start thinking in the right direction. If you aren’t already into woo woo shit this might sound really uncomfortable, awkward or pointless, but I’m asking you try this one time and if it’s too much then you can put a pin in it and maybe come back to it later or maybe not come back at all.

This is a practice a lot of people call “channeling your inner child” or “taking care of your inner child.”

I am no psychologist or psychiatrist and I recommend that every person, especially if you are struggling, should see at least a therapist if not a psychologist etc. They are professionals, not me.

My only experience is as the patient, struggler, confused person who needs help and I am simply telling you about what has worked for me, okay? Ok.

Find Your Space

Find a quiet, comfortable place where you feel safe and are able to relax. When reflecting, I prefer to lay down because my back hurts like a mother fucker if I sit and standing is annoying, but you should get into whatever position is most comfortable for you. You can lay on the floor, in your bed, on a yoga mat etc and feel free to use pillows and blankets to make yourself as comfortable as possible. Play some relaxing music (without words), light some incense or dab on some oil if you like.

Preparing your mind.

Take a deep breath until your lungs are completely full, hold it for 2-3 seconds and slowly release all the way out. Repeat this 2 more times.

You can resume regular, but intentional breathing. When your mind starts to wander, bring it back around to your breath. In and out. In and out.

Think about the top of your head, your ears, your eyebrows, nose, lips & cheeks. Relax them all from top to bottom. One thing at a time, move on to your neck, shoulders arms & fingertips. Then on to your stomach, back and sides, thighs, knees, calves, feet & toes. Relaxing one thing at a time until your entire body is completely relaxed. Remember if you get carried away with your thoughts, circle back to the breath. It is totally normal to get carried away with thoughts, the important thing is to catch yourself and bring it back in.

Think of yourself as a small child. I want you to really picture it your head. What does the background look like? For me, it was outside in a yard with woods in the background. What are you wearing? I have shorts & a t-shirt with messy hair and I’m a little dirty and carrying some kind of bucket. I was clearly playing outside. Think of a specific age. I am 8 years old. You could 3 or 4 or 12, whatever age comes to mind and is easy for you to picture.

Take Care of and Bond with Your Inner Child

Now that you’ve found yourself, it’s very important that you treat yourself as you would treat any other child (as long as you aren’t a dick to kids, of course), and not as you treat your adult self. You should start your interaction by introducing yourself. “I’m Chelsea, I’m you as an adult. I am so glad to see you again! Is it okay if I sit with you?” And then you let your inner child decide what she wants to do. If she’s not comfortable sitting with you, then you need to tell her you love her and support her and it’s fine if she doesn’t want to sit and that you hope to see her again and spend time with her soon if she is okay with it.

If your inner child is comfortable with you sitting with her, then do so. This is an opportunity to treat your small, innocent self as she should have always been treated and as she dreamed of being treated.

“You are so beautiful, Chelsea. Were you having fun playing outside? What were you doing?” If you quiet your mind enough, she will answer you. This is your journey with yourself and it will be different from mine and anyone else’s. What you need to focus on is support, unconditional love, understanding & kindness.

Consider the difference between how you were treated growing up and how you treat your inner child now. It might be a really big difference. I had a breakthrough the first time I did this exercise. I realized that there were a lot of things said and done to me that I did not deserve and weren’t my fault and just like that, it wasn’t mine to carry any longer.

Thinking through these things can be very painful. Even though I experienced immense growth from this exercise, I also identified many pain points that I had buried deep inside my mind. I had to come to terms with all of those things. All of the shortcomings, missed opportunities and the difference between what I saw other kids had and what I had. But ultimately, I realized that none of that was my fault because I was only 8. Also, life isn’t fair and most of the time our parents are doing their best, it’s just difficult to recognize that as a kid.

Have whatever conversation you’d like as long you are treating her with respect and kindness every step of the way.

Some people ask their inner child if they’d like to hold hands, sit on their lap, draw a bath for them etc. This is your experience.

It’s a good idea to start in small doses, so don’t spend too much time digging around. You can and should always come back and spend more time with this part of yourself and you have time to do that and to build your relationship with yourself as you go along.

End Your Session at a Good Place

A good way to conclude this meditation session is tuck your inner child in bed. Maybe you tell her a story, kiss her on the forehead, get her all the drinks of water she needs, read the story again… ask her what she would like. If putting your inner child to bed doesn’t work for you, you could try walking her back home, making her dinner, walk her to a friend’s house etc.

Reflecting

I was deeply impacted by this exercise. It might not be that way for you and that’s fine. We’re all on a different journey and what works for some won’t always work for others.

There will probably be a lot to unpack after you are finished. I cry pretty much every time. You don’t realize how much you’re holding on to until you start to pick it apart and understand it.

For me, this exercise lead to letting go of guilt & shame, finding part of me to love again, finding compassion for myself, letting myself off the hook for frivolous things I beat myself up over every day and a complete change of the structure of my life. After the first time I did this I vowed to change the way little Chelsea saw me. I did not want her to be ashamed. I went for it with all my heart and soul and I did it just for me. Not for my kids, not for my husband… for me, so I could feel comfortable and I could live my best life.

I hope that this helps you make some breakthroughs as well. If you try this exercise, I’d love to hear about your experience!